By Shaun Tumpane
Laguna Woods Globe columnist
Is it my imagination or has customer service gone the way of the dodo?
It doesn’t seem that long ago that when you called your doctor or your lawyer or an airline, an actual human would answer with a “Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, who can we sue for you?” Or “Doctor Lipschitt’s office. May I put you on a brief hold?”
Read more NBA draft: Who should the Clippers take with the No. 5 pick?
Brief, in this case, is at best a euphemism, but at least you were listening to a person. Don’t get me started on elevator music on the phone.
The airlines were once the gold standard of customer service, with a cheery warm voice telling you his/her name and giving you the approximate time of day and a weather report, as in “Good morning and thank you for calling Alaska Airlines on this beautiful summer day. This is Anastasia. How may I help you?”
The sultry, soft voice, almost caressing your earlobe made it difficult not to ask her if she’d like to meet you in Salt Lake City for the weekend.
Yeah, those were the days. In 2025, we all know what to expect when we call the airlines.
“You have reached Alaska Airlines. Your waiting time to speak to an agent (aka a human whose English is competent as well as incomprehensible; but we should give them kudos since most of us only speak two languages: English and bad English) is in excess of one hour. You can stay on the line and listen to Mantovani’s greatest hits played on the sitar, or leave your number and we’ll call you back once we take care of the 47 annoyed customers ahead of you.”
It’s almost enough to get you to hang up and start walking to your high school reunion in Ogden.
Read more Travel back 250 years in augmented reality exhibit at Moulton Museum
If you opt for the callback, you better not be out of earshot of your phone when they call because they only call once.
The only saving grace is that when you do get to talk to a human, they generally will take care of whatever issue you may have, assuming that you remember why you called them in the first place.
And ya gotta love the question at the end of your conversation. “Would you mind taking a short survey of your experience with us today?”
I admire the chutzpah. A transaction that took less than three minutes to handle, after an hour or two waiting for customer service to deign to assist you, may not put the customer in a positive frame of mind survey-wise.
Luckily, I have mellowed in my dotage and resigned myself to the reality that this day will be expended in securing a middle seat assignment flying to a 50-year reunion where you won’t recognize anyone.
Read more Fire fight continues on Sunday at Boyle Heights facility
Shaun Tumpane is a Laguna Woods Village resident.